Oct. 24, 2015

I just published what I wrote yesterday because I was planning to write more but I in due circumstances I din’t made it on time home. Last night I was really thinking. It is almost a week already that I feel so terrible inside me. It is about a friend of mine. She asked me to be her maid of honor in her wedding and of course I am so honored about it. But las sunday a very shocking message was sent to them saying my husband and my are not coming. It was actually not the intention but things get out of hand and it ended up like that. Deep inside me is dying. I am far away from home… My sister is here but not for always and the moment she will go home I will need a family that is near and that friend of mine has been my family for years already… I don’t want want her gone, she may not be perfect but I am not perfect too. Who is perfect anyways?

I sent her message telling her I will go to her place. It was a message that will bring things back or end everything. I lost hope already in a moment she did not response. But eventually after a while she did… I drove to her place, we talked…long…. I realized the moment we were talking how much I miss her. I realized how bad friend I am. It was not her at all, it was me. I am so childish and selfish. I was imagining things, thinking how they were so unfair with me. If only I told them how I felt and always been feeling then things didn’t go so wrong and painful. I hurt them both I know that deep inside and I even saw that in their eyes. I even asked her, “are you for real?”.  I asked that because she always tells me that she don’t want troubles and I just cannot accept that, coz I am that kind of person who will confront you and tell you if something is wrong, and she is a very unlike me.

The time went so fast, it has been a while we did not have that kind of conversation. I was back home at 3 o’clock which is the reason I am sick now I think. I slept too less last Thursday because of Ed Sheeran and woke up so early friday and almost didn’t sleep yesterday… I went to bed at 4 am today… Adding also all the stress inside me. Now, it is ok between us. But still I have to do one mor thing and that is talking to one of our friends… I think we have to talk too…

Today I bought the shoes that will fit with my dress for the wedding day. I look forwad for her wedding. That is her day and it has to be perfect for her…, and guess what I will be the emcee… I did that before in school but never in a wedding so I am curious!!! Lol

Now it is time for me to sleep because I really don’t feel well.